i am the church


soft words, coarse shame, winds of unsettled change…
broken dreams, promised words ring in my ear but are never heard…
heart aches, lies told, dreams of grandeur to no suppose…
pain is great, nothing soothes…heart is broken, love’s no food.

i am the church– every part of me evolves–but into what? can i put my soul where my mouth is? David was brave as he prayed…

Psa 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if [there be any] wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

He will have God himself search him, and search him thoroughly, till every point of his being is known, and read, and understood; for he is sure that even by such an investigation there will be found in him no complicity with wicked men. He challenges the fullest investigation, the innermost search: he had need be a true man who can put himself deliberately into such a crucible. -Treasury of David

That’s pretty gutsy. Do I have enough guts to cry out in utter desperation to be searched out. How true are you? And yet Spurgeon’s Treasury says… Yet we may each one desire such searching; for it would be a terrible calamity to us for sin to remain in our hearts unknown and undiscovered.

Well i guess it is either–fire now or fire in eternity…judgment now or judgment in eternity. What would I do to go beyond being a doorkeeper in the house of the Lord–but only to be in His presence.

Psa 84:10 For a day in thy courts [is] better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.

I could list my trials today–they came as raindrops softly upon my brow but the impact of ache upon my heart was at times too hard to bear–each wave embraced as it came–and yet the last of the day was unbearable. My response was lucid but wittled with an aching heart…i think i failed all of them–as they came and passed i was spent.

the church is not a building–but a being–each of us are entwined with the holy presence of Christ ever desiring to be glorified in and through us. But we build our kingdoms and leave His home in our hearts empty–just as a woman miscarries–the Light of His Life in us can too miscarry which leaves us only to run back into our Beloved’s arms for hope once more to pray that His seed will come alive on this earth through us alone and not what we have built.


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